so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
