If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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