we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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