Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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