I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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