why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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