I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
