I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
ok first of all what the fuck
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
