Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
