hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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