ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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