i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
