Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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