Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.