but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.