Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.