Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us