I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
