what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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