Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
