My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my poor anus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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