we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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