I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
