I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
