I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
