You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
