so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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