Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
