Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
