Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
