im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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