so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
