she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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