I just threw up on my dentist
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
