i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
