those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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