Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
