I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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