are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
