May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Found your dick twin last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
