shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
