I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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