He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you inspire me to be a worse person
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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