The maid of honor just puked.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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