you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
