ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
