dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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