Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
