Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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