if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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