So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
