everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
