lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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