I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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