remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
