She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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