how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
