im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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