I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
