Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
