So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
birth control should be required to get into college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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