You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
