i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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