She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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