this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
