My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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