Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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