I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
