i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
