ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
