How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
