A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
